Communication is Key
by flamingcharisma
Summary: Shizuo feels guilty about his feelings for his brother while Kasuka craves his brother's love more than oxygen.  A bit romantic, a bit angsty, a lot BL  although nothing too graphic .  Rated T for language and romance
1. Chapter 1

The strongest man in Ikebukuro was wrapping up a very average day. His shift at the bar just ended and he was ready to go home. Listening to frenzied drunks all night takes its toll. It was raining, and Shizuo had a decent commute home, so he decided to take the train. Upon nearing the station, a loud yellow haired boy and a timid looking friend, both wearing Raira uniforms, ran by and cut Shizuo off, causing him to fall on his ass in the middle of a muddy puddle.

"The hell.. The fuck is this?" Shizuo screamed. "I work hard all fucking night and now I have to deal with this?" The loud one just laughed and continued running towards the station while his friend awkwardly apologized.

"Argh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I told him not to run but he never listens and... I'm sorry!" the boy blubbered. Shizuo, on the other hand, was not in the mood for listening to apologies. Remembering his brother's wishes, Shizuo responded as calmly as he possibly could.

"Please get the hell out of here before I ram that stop-sign up your-"

"SORRY! Umm.. Ok I'll just.. Sorry!" The boy sprinted off and caught up to his friend.

"I didn't even touch him. Not even a little scratch. What's gotten into me?" Shizuo picked himself up off the cold concrete and examined the damage. He wasn't hurt (as if a little fall would have any affect on HIM of all people), but he was covered in mud and had ripped a hole in his sleeve from where he caught his fall.

"FUCK! Fuck it all. God dammit. I should have killed that little bastard! If Kasuka hadn't told me to ease off the fighting..." Shizuo grumbled to himself. This was one of the shirts that his brother had gotten him when he got his job as a bartender. Kasuka was very dear to Shizuo so this shirt was of high sentimental value.

"The little bastards were headed for the train, so I guess I'll just walk home. Doesn't matter that it's, oh, you know, POURING RAIN OUT, I'll just go freeze my ass off," Shizuo said no no one in particular. It was about a fifteen minute walk from his current location to his apartment, so he didn't even make an effort to stay dry. The now cold and wet man pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit up. As his feet wandered down the sidewalks of the cold city, his mind wandered back to Kasuka. Kasuka had been gone for the past month shooting a movie in some foreign country and Shizuo missed him terribly. He would never admit that he has any sort of weakness, but there has always been weakness in Shizuo's heart for his younger brother. Although Celty is a great friend, Kasuka has always been the one that sees right through his bravado. Shizuo had tried to put a wall up to stop himself from thinking about his brother, but the thoughts would always return. Shizuo shook his hair and wiped rainwater from his face. He recalled the last time he saw his brother before his departure. Shizuo went with his brother to the airport. When it came time for him to pass through security without Shizuo, Kasuka dropped all of his bags on the floor and took his brother in a warm embrace.

"I'll miss you, Shizu-chan," Kasuka had whispered directly into Shizuo's ear. Shizuo was too shocked to speak. Instead he mustered a small nod of acknowledgment. Shizuo held his little brother tightly in his arms and only let go when the people behind in line yelled for them to move.

"Call me every day, alright?" Kasuka said in a voice that made his request sound more like a plead.

"Every day," Shizuo responded. Shizuo wanted to tell him that he would miss him so much. He wanted to tell him that he would thinking about him nonstop until his return. He wanted to hold him close and feel his brother's face nuzzle the crook of his neck like their hugs always wind up doing, because Shizuo is so much taller than his brother. He wanted to brush Kasuka's hair out of his eyes and tell him that he loves him, and more than anything, he wanted to hear Kasuka say it right back.

"Stop," Shizuo said out loud. "Stop thinking about him this way. He's your little brother for Christ's sake. What kind of pervert thinks these things about his own brother!" Shizuo turned up against the building next to him and pressed his forehead up against the wall. He punched the brick, screaming in frustration, until he felt blood trickle from his knuckles.

"This is disgusting. I'm like a pedophile. I AM a pedophile. He's younger than me. I'm a incestuous pedophile," Shizuo muttered. The strongest man in Ikebukuro lit up another cigarette. He started thinking about the first time he felt romantic feeling towards his brother. The night of Kasuka's high school graduation was the first time Shizuo had felt the cruel stab of love's dagger. Thinking about that night made him feel dirty and perverted. Shizuo shook his head.

"Fuck it all. I need to hurt someone. Where's Izaya when I need him?"

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><p>Chapter 1 is finished! Next chapter is about what happened on Kasuka's graduation night. It's already written, I just need to revise and edit it. It may be up tomorrow, since tomorrow is a half day at my school and I will have lots of time to work on it. This is the first EVER fanfic I have written so I'm sorry if it's not very good :( I don't think this fic is very good because I have a hard time portraying Kasuka's silent behavior accurately while still providing decent characterization but we. Also, I promise the only bit of Japanese that will be sneaking in my stories now and to come will be honorifics. I don't believe in abusing the Japanese language, but I do believe the honorifics add meaning to the story. No kawaii desu shit here.

Comment/Critique even if you hate it!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back guys!

...8 months later .

I just got out of the swing of writing things.

Ok, onward to the story. 'Tis a flashback from when Kasuka graduates.

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><p>Tonight was the night of Kasuka's high school graduation. All of Kasuka's friends were going out partying and planned on getting wasted and getting lap dances from gogo girls, but Kasuka wanted to spend the night in Shizuo's cold apartment. They had decided to rent a movie and order ramen for dinner. The two had ate their dinner without any substantial conversing. The movie was boring, and neither of the brothers were really paying it much attention.<p>

Kasuka got up to fetch a blanket. When he returned, he wrapped it around himself and stretched out on the couch. He curled himself up around Shizuo and rested his head in his brother's lap. Shizuo was astonished at the action as he was not used to receiving such gestures from his brother. Kasuka rarely showed any emotion at all, much less affection. Shizuo stared down at the boy in his lap. Kasuka has always been silent and seemingly apathetic. Now, there was something different about him. His eyes were squeezed shut and he had a sad look on his face. Kasuka's lips were pursed and his dark hair had fallen over his eyes. Shizuo started to worry. Today was a proud moment in Kasuka's life. He graduated with honors. He's now free to pursue his acting without restriction. Kasuka should be happy.

Shizuo suddenly felt a yank on his arm. His brother was peering up at him from his spot on his lap.

"Shizuo," Kasuka said in a quivering voice.

"Yeah little bro?" Shizuo responded airily, trying to lighten the mood.

Kasuka sat up straight. He looked Shizuo straight in the eye. Shizuo met his brother's gaze and started to panic. Not since they were little did Shizuo have to manage an upset Kasuka.

Kasuka exhaled deeply and fell into his older brother's arms. Shizuo's eyes widened in surprise.

"Kasuka! Are you alright?" Shizuo spat out. "What's wrong? You can tell me. You know I'm always-"

"Shizuo," Kasuka interjected.

"What is it?"

"I.. uh.. I want you to be more careful, okay?" Kasuka's voice trembled. He buried his face in Shizuo's neck. He inhaled and breathed in the comforting scent of his brother.

Shizuo was at a loss. Kasuka appeared to be on the verge of tears. Shizuo hadn't seen his brother cry since they were young. He was afraid to speak.

"What do you mean?" Shizuo said slowly. Kasuka breathed in sharply and exhaled. He brought his lips close to his brother's ear and whispered softly.

"I hate when you fight. You always get hurt, even if it doesn't really bother you. One of these days you're going to get hurt really badly. If you died, I would, I would-" Kasuka's speech was interrupted by a loud sob. Shizuo was bewildered.

Kasuka sank down into Shizuo's lap again. Shizuo cradled Kasuka's head in his hands. He had no idea what to do. How does one go about comforting an emotionally unstable 18 year old boy? Shizuo decided the best thing to do at this point was just to calm him down and put him to bed. If it were anyone else, Shizuo would ask them why their eyes are leaking horse piss and smack them in the face with a stop sign. But this was Kasuka.

Shizuo scooped his brother up in his arms princess style (an easy feat for the strongest man in Ikebukuro, considering his little brother weighs as much as the average 12 year old girl). He carried the still sobbing boy to his bed and plopped him down in a pile of pillows. Shizuo dug out a t-shirt and his smallest pair of pajama pants for his brother to wear. He kissed his brother on the top of his head and instructed him to wait.

The shit movie was still playing and needed to be shut off. Dishes needed to be washed and dried. After cleaning up from the evening, Shizuo dropped onto the couch and dumped his head in his hands. He had a lot of thinking to do. First of all, he had no idea that his brother had felt this way. Every time Shizuo was injured in a fight, Kasuka would stay with him in the hospital. Kasuka would always be wearing that same blank stare that he gave everybody, so Shizuo never sensed any apprehension. As stupid as it sounds, Shizuo never really sensed any sort of emotion from Kasuka at all. Shizuo had always had an inexplicable love for his brother. Kasuka is the only person who has ever emotionally effected Shizuo. He was always ridiculously overprotective of his little brother. Shizuo always thought that Kasuka never cared whatever his crazy older brother did. Kasuka has always been a blank slate. However, as they say, still waters run deep.

Shizuo shook his head and rose to his feet. He went back into his bedroom and saw that his brother's sobs had receded to sniffles. He sat down on the bed and pushed his brother's fringe out of his eyes. Kasuka peered up at him through red tear stained eyes.

"Kasuka. I promise you I'm not going to die any time soon, okay? It's alright. Everything is going to be alright," Shizuo repeated over and over again. Kasuka had never been so vulnerable in front of Shizuo before. He seemed so fragile; like he was crumbling into pieces right before Shizuo's eyes.

"I can sleep on the couch if you want," Shizuo said, after his brother had calmed a bit.

"Actually, " Kasuka nervously replied, "I think I'd like it better if you slept with me tonight."

Shizuo hadn't slept in the same bed as his brother since they were young when Kasuka would get nightmares.

"Of course I can," Shizuo replied. Kasuka discretely stared as his brother pulled off his bartender clothes and put on clean pajamas. Shizuo pulled back the covers and climbed into his bed. He laid on his back and stretched his arms out. The little Heiwajima laid his head on his brother's chest. He slid a hand underneath Shizuo's shirt.

"Whoa, what-"

"You're warm," Kasuka said flatly.

Shizuo blinked silently and assessed the situation.

He thought to himself, "This is actually kind of nice. I miss this closeness. It's nice just to feel his touch. Wait. What the fuck. I like my little brother touching me? What the fuck."

Kasuka interrupted his brother's train of thought as he moved his hand further up his chest. He gripped the older man's shoulder and glanced up into his eyes.

"I love you," the boy whispered.

Shizuo slept well that night.

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><p>Voici! C'est fini!<p>

I hope you guy liked it.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review even if you hated it. I crave criticism.

Things will start heating up in the next 2 chapters. I promise.


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